


A Day in Blood Gulch

by Gen_Rev



Category: Red vs. Blue, Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games)
Genre: An Average day, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gen_Rev/pseuds/Gen_Rev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place between Season 1 and 3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Really Weird

     Church stood on the ledge with the sniper rifle staring off at the other base. After two years you would think he knew every little quirk about the other set of losers stuck in their bland canyon. Tucker stood beside him lost in his own thoughts, which was odd in and of it-self. Usually a moment couldn’t go by without him harping on about the old, slowly rusting gun. Who the hell is in charge of gun maintenance here? Church thought angrily. He paused for a moment and sighed. Captain Flowers… The dead captain handled all of the maintenance and requisition forms. Church turned slowly to his right to see what had Tucker burning up what little focus he had.

“What the hell are you so focused on?”

“Caboose, he’s… doing something weird.” Tucker paused and turned towards him. “I mean like really weird.” Church turned the sniper rifle towards home base and there he was. Caboose stood between Sheila and the base speaking to something in low tones. Church adjusted the scope on the gun hoping it wouldn’t shatter into pure rust and zoomed in on his team mate.

“Yeah this seems like that time he found that rabid squirrel…” Church said slowly. Tucker looked back at him.

“You mean that squirrel you said was rabid? He only bit you.”

“That squirrel was crazy Tucker!”

“Yeah, crazy about your fingers. Olive oil is not a good replacement for WD40 Church!”

“That’s all that’s in storage right now and this fucking robot get’s stiff.”

“….”

“What? Nothing to that?”

“Naw, that one is just way to easy. You can do better.”

“God damn I hate you.” Church said and made his way back down the ledge. Tucker followed with a shrug. What the fuck else is new? He thought.

 

* * *

 

       Caboose looked down, radiating happiness. “And we will make a bed for you in our basement… It’s kinda full right now but I can move some stuff around for you. It will be nice and warm.” Caboose dropped a strip of jerky and straightened up. “I’m going to get more beef jerky. You are a growing boy!” Caboose turned, humming happily, and found himself staring into the helmets of Church and Tucker. Caboose froze in place and began whistling loudly. If I am calm they will be calm and we will all be calm. He thought.

“So uh, what are you up to Caboose?” Tucker asked slowly. Caboose rocked back and forth on his heels and did his best to look innocent.

“Ohhh nothing. I’m just talking to Sheila.”

“But Sheila doesn’t work right now. Why are you talking to a broken tank?” Church asked suspiciously.

“She’s not broken, she is just sleeping.” Caboose said angrily. His voice deepened and became what can only be described as his cartoon villain voice. “ **Sleeping the sleep of death…** ”

“He’s doing that thing again.” Tucker whispered.

“Tucker shut up. Caboose, what are you hiding?” he growled. Caboose harrumphed with indignation and stepped backwards.

“I am just so unsalted that you would think I would hide something from you.”

“I think you mean insulted…” Tucker corrected. Caboose stared at him for a moment and the dark voice returned.

“ **Don’t ever correct me again**.” Church placed a gloved hand on his head as though massaging a pain.

“I will kill everything in this God damned canyon with fucking smile and a bottle of Jager. CABOOSE! WHAT IS BEHIND YOUR GODDAMNED BACK?!” He yelled. Caboose’s head drooped and Tucker stepped back a little. He shuffled from foot to foot and finally turned around and scooped something up off the ground. In his blue armored arms was a small fox colored creature with a cat like face and two tails. The fuzzy ball looked up with wide green eyes and then licked its front paw fastidiously. “What the fuck is that?” he asked.

“It’s a puppy thing!” Caboose said excitedly. Large reddish brown ears twitched back towards Caboose and it curled up into his chest. Tucker leaned over Church’s shoulder.

“Awww look at the little guy. He’s pretty adorable. Where did you find him?”

“He was sleeping under Sheila!” Caboose said cheerfully. Church turned around and headed for the inside of the base.

“Church, where are you going?” Tucker called.

“To find a box big enough for the body.”

“But he is not dead.” Caboose whispered.

“Give it a couple of hours.”

 

To Be Continued…


	2. A Day in Blood Gulch II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile at Red Base...

 

            Grif and Simmons stood on the roof of red base staring out at the nothing that seemed to be the main export of Blood Gulch.  Simmons stared down and watched as Donut ran in and out of the base with excitement.  Donut crouched down by the warthog and spoke coaxingly to something underneath.  Simmons turned towards Grif and cleared his throat.

            “Hey…” he started cautiously.  Grif turned towards him and cut him off.

            “Before you point it out, yes I noticed Donut.  I just don’t care.” he said.

            “What if he found something dangerous, Grif?” Simmons asked.  Grif shrugged and turned back to nothing.

            “Sarge is gone, I’m off duty.  It’s your problem.”

            “You’re never on duty.”

            “Not true, when Sarge is here I’m busy pretending to be on duty.  It can get really tiring.”

            “Especially when you suck so bad at pretending…  I’m going to go find out what Donut’s up to.” Simmons said with finality.

            “Whatever…” Grif said.  He stared up at the sky as Simmons made his way down to the lower levels of the base.

 

            As Simmons drew closer he could hear Donut’s overly cheerful voice practically singing with joy.

            “That’s it little guy, Grif won’t mind if I give you one or two of these.  He has a whole case of them!”  Donut tossed down one of Grif’s easy heat Chili dogs and Simmons watched with growing unease as it was dragged beneath the warthog quickly.  He raised the assault rifle in his hands a little and cleared his throat.

            “Uhhh Donut?  What are you doing?” Donut straightened up and turned around. 

            “Ohh!  Hey Simmons!  I found something cool.  And it loves chili dogs.”

            “What is it?” he asked nervously.  Donut turned around and crouched beside the front tire and made a come here motion.  A barely audible sniffing sound was made and a vaguely cat like head with large green eyes poked out from under the jeep.  The fur on its face and large ears was a dull sort of blue.  If Caboose’s armor were ever to fade, Simmons imagined it would be this color.  When the creature came out into the light he noted the brighter blue spikes that went down its back like a hedgehog.  Donut scooped up the creature and scratched it behind the ears while it made what could only be described as a purr.  It snuggled right up to his chest plate and tucked its face under its paw happily.

            “I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I’ve been calling him Mr. Needlemouse.”

            “Okaaay…” Simmons stepped a little closer and touched the creature gingerly, scratching behind the large ears slowly.  It leaned its head into Simmons’ gloved hand and made what could only be described as a purr. 

            “I think Mr. Needlemouse just made a new friend.  Isn’t he the best?”

            “Well he is pretty cute, but I’m not sure Sarge will let us keep him.  Wait, is it a he?” he asked looking back at Donut.  The private in the lightish red armor shrugged slightly and looked down at it.

            “I’m not sure but I suppose there’s only one way to check.”  Without another word Donut rolled the creature onto its back, rubbing its stomach as a distraction.  It continued to purr as Donut slid his hand boldly between its legs.  “Yep, it’s definitely a guy.”  Simmons stared at him for a moment.

            “Don’t touch anything till you wash your hands.” he ordered.

            “WHERE ARE ALL MY DAMN CHILI DOGS?!”  The shout sailed from the base behind them and Donut clutched Mr. Needlemouse protectively.

            “Uh Donut, how many of those chili dogs did you give to Mr. Needlemouse?” Simmons asked quietly.

            “Oh you know, just three or four… cases…”

            “You feed him three cases of chili dogs?!” Simmons hissed incredulously.

            “Well you’re always talking about how he needs to take better care of his body; I just considered it saving him from himself.”

            “Congratulations, you’re a dead man.” Simmons said plainly.

 

To Be Continued…

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is this thing? Why can it fly?

            Caboose had named it Duex.  Church couldn’t figure out why Caboose couldn’t spell his name half the time but he could speak perfect French.  Duex was currently scratching the ground at Church’s feet and he had to fight the urge to kick the fur ball off the ledge where he currently sat staring out at red base.  Why the thing felt the urge to follow him all over the place was beyond him.  Perhaps it was because that’s what Caboose did with most of his time.  Church looked over at his teammate.  If he had a face he would give him a look of disgust.

            “Caboose, why don’t you leave the damn thing in the base like I told you?” he asked. 

            “I tried!” Caboose said with rarely heard frustration.  “He keeps slipping out through that front door that never closes.”  Church looked down at their base thoughtfully.

            “I gotta give you that one.  Who makes a secure base with absolutely no doors anywhere?” Church nudged the creature over with his foot and growled as the thing began to chew on his armored toes playfully.  “I’M NOT PLAYING WITH YOU!” Church snarled.  “I’M SHOVING YOU AWAY!”  The creature just rolled over onto all fours and yipped at him flicking his two tails this way and that.  “Oh don’t give me that!  You aren’t cute!”

            “He’s adorable!” Caboose cheered.  “ **Deathly adorable…** ” he finished in that creepy voice.

            “Shut up, Caboose.  Now you’re just trying to hard.” Church said, raising the sniper rifle in the direction of red base.  Staring through the scope he watched as the disgusting orangish, yellowish, goldish one chased the pink one around the Puma.  Judging by the rate he was slowing down, it was the most he’d run all day.  The pink one held his hands up in a placating gesture

(more like cowering…)

and reached slowly for something beneath the wheels of their vehicle. 

            “What are they doing over there?” Tucker asked as he strolled up behind them.

            “I don’t know…  It looks like the orange one is beating up on the pink one.” Church said thoughfully.

            “That’s a hate crime.” Caboose said quickly.

            “No, it’s only a hate crime if he’s beating on him because he’s gay.  It’s more likely he’s beating on him because he’s stupid.” Church said lowering the rifle.  Duex was currently lying at his feet curling around his ankles.  “Get off me damnit!” Church yelled kicking his foot forward.  It was only when Duex sailed over the ledge that Church realized he kicked too hard.

            “Duex NOOOO!” Caboose yelled, reaching for the creature.  Tucker looked at Church and shook his head.

            “Not cool dude…” he whispered.  Church looked down at his leg; if he could frown he would have.

            “I just wanted to shake him off me, I didn’t mean to kick him off the side like that.” he said a little sadly.  “This fucking robot body is way stronger than I thought.”  Tucker was about to respond when Caboose made a noise that can only be described as a squeal of delight.  They turned to look at him and gasped.  “What the fuck…” Church said slowly.  Duex was hovering in front of Caboose in a manner that Church could only describe as nonchalant.  His two tails were spinning in some highly impossible fashion keeping him aloft.  Caboose reached out and grabbed him pulling him close to his chest almost buzzing with excitement.

            “HE CAN FLY CHURCH!!”

            “Dude how the fuck is that even possible?!  Those tails are long and everything, but how is this a thing?!” Tucker asked incredulously.  Church just stared at the creature as Caboose began to toss it up gently and laugh as it hovered back down into his arms.

            “I am one hundred percent done with this situation!” Church growled.  He strapped the sniper rifle to his back and headed down the path back to the base.  Tucker just shook his head and called after him.

            “You know for a ghost possessing a robot dude you sure have a problem believing strange shit!”  He turned towards Caboose with a shrug.  “Hey Caboose toss him to me, let’s play catch!” he said.  Caboose tossed Duex towards him and laughed as the creature chirped happily while hovering down into Tucker’s arms.

 

To Be Continued…


	4. Spike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous much Simmons?

            Donut held out the blue furred creature in front of him like a shield and waited for Grif to make the next move.  The absence of any abuse made him look up warily.  Grif stood stone still in front of the creature arms dropped at his side.  He suddenly reached out and snatched the blue ball from him and immediately began snuggling it.

            “It’s you!  I thought you ran away Spike!” Grif shouted happily.  Donut and Simmons glanced at each other.

            “Spike?” they asked in unison.  The creature chirped happily and Grif looked as if he were on cloud nine.

            “Yeah Spike…  I found him awhile ago when I was looking for a new place to nap.”  Grif tossed him up into the air and the other’s watched while Spike curled into a ball with another pleased chirp.  Grif caught him with the ease of someone who had performed this action countless times.  “He’s the whole reason I ordered so many chili dogs.  We eat them together.” he said tossing him up again.  Simmons watched as Donut ran forward eagerly.

            “Toss him to me Grif!” he said.

            “Go long Donut!”  Simmons stepped aside as Donut dived for Spike who was still chirping with apparent joy at the game.  As he watched it all he was suddenly extremely jealous.

            “Hey guys maybe we should do some research on this thing just in case its dangerous.” he said.  Donut paused holding Spike to his chest protectively.

            “Dangerous?  He’s just a cuddly hedgehog thing…” he said disbelievingly.  Grif laughed and scratched the creature under the chin.

            “Yeah come on Simmons, don’t be jealous.” he said teasingly.  Simmons stepped back and stammered.

            “I… I’m not jealous.”

            “Yeah you are; you acted the same way when Lopez was first built remember?” Grif said.  “You spent two weeks trying to prove to Sarge that he was going to kill us all in are sleep because we were inefficient.”

            “I will remind you that Lopez ran away, joined the blue team, and then tried to kill Sarge with the Warthog.” Simmons said simply.

            “You also acted the same way when Sarge got Taloola.” Grif continued.

            “Who’s Taloola?” Donut chirped.

            “Sarge’s favorite shotgun…” he replied plainly.

            “Lousy piece of crap pea shooter…” Simmons muttered under his breath.  Donut held Spike out towards the grumpy Spartan and cooed.

            “Aww, look at this face, Simmons.  Don’t you just want to snuggle him pieces?”

            “The pieces part sounds good.”

            “You’re a vegetarian, aren’t you supposed to love all animals great and small?” the lightish-red private asked.  Simmons stared at the blue creature and frowned beneath his helmet.  There was something rather adorable about the creature; he started to say something nice about it but was distracted by the sound of a transport vehicle pulling up to the base.  Grif snatched Spike from startled Donut and dropped him on the ground quickly.

            “All right Spike; codeword Red Menace.” he commanded.  The hedgehog thing almost seemed to nod and scampered under a large rock not far from the warthog.  _He won’t memorize his fucking chores but he’ll train a goddamned alien pet…_   Simmons thought angrily.  Donut turned to the orange-y yellow soldier.

            “What’s that about, Grif?”

            “What does Sarge normally do when he finds a blue anything on base?”

            “That depends on if he can he… can… easily kill... ooooohhhhh.” Donut finished silently.

            “Exactly.” Grif said with finality.  The two soldiers looked at each other and shared an understanding.  Simmons meanwhile was already thinking of the best way to secretly let Sarge in on the blue unwanted pest. 

            Sarge jumped out of the transport and stared at his ‘men’ lined up before him.  “It does my heart glad to see my soldiers out here to greet me in good form.  Except for Grif, who I distinctly remember ordering to polish all the plasma grenades vigorously.”  Simmons sighed and saluted proudly.

            “Welcome back sir, I hope everything went well in your meeting with Red Command.”

            “You couldn’t even wait for him to get settled to plant your lips on his ass?” Grif muttered.  Simmons didn’t even hesitate.

            “What was that Grif, you wanted me to inform Sarge about our new guest?” he whispered back.

            “You sonovabitch…”  
            “GRIF!” Sarge snapped.  “Are you even payin’ attention to the briefing?!”

            “Yes…?” he said unsure.

            “What did I say then, private?” the old soldier growled.

            “You said… that our orders were to try to win.” Grif said off hand.  Sarge grunted begrudgingly and continued.  Donut turned to him and whispered low.

            “Wow you were actually listening?”

            “Hell no, that’s the only thing command ever says.”

            “Yeah heaven forbid they send anything useful like tactics or missiles or something.” Simmons grumbled in agreement.  They watched as Sarge continued to wax on about nothing as he headed into the base.  He stuck his head back out and barked.

            “And who let Donut clean the base again?!  Why is there lace with matching silks all over the damn place?!”  Donut ran after the sergeant and whined.

            “But sir it compliments the new carpet!”

 

To Be Continued…


End file.
